I Thought this was the One

How do I see myself? I was always a relationship girl (so to speak). I love loving, I love being in love and feeling like I'm the air the person breathes and what would they do without me. I'm the perfect chick.

So I thought. You know the perfect chick with a few imperfections (but cute ones). The type of imperfections a man could fall in love with. Then I lost him, the very beat of my heart. I probably lost him somewhere along the way in the 9 years we spent with each other. Or quite possibly he was never ever mine. I left him, or he left me rather, with my persuasion of "drop your keys and get the f**k out of my house". It was my last book of that series.

Now almost 2 years and 2 children later, here I am, searching...... for another breath of air. When I think I've come close, I've failed and I've had to start another chapter titled "He is not the ONE, but he's great in bed" Or "He is definitely not the ONE, please stop calling me", or "We can just be friends, no benefits".

I've strategically learned to block myself from feeling every emotion involved in a relationship or anything it takes to build a relationship. I f**k and don't feel, take a hot shower,get back in my bed, wrap myself into the covers and dream.

I always dream.....dream of new things, new places, new people, new situations and circumstances. The dreams are what make me smile and get up each morning knowing today could be the day all my dreams come true.

I digress, so I started another chapter and he was the package, or so I thought, cute, tall, employed (can't stress that enough), cultured, intelligent and a little bit of swag to add to the picture.
We had so much in common, he's well read, well spoken, loves variety......but, there's this thing about personality, it's strong. Now I have a strong personality, and I love a strong man, I can't deal with a man that can't make decisions or he's soft (so to speak). Otherwise I'll walk all over him and lose interest quick. But him, he's intriguing, but so set in his ways, his way or the highway, well he's has to learn to bend just a bit. So that turns me off (just a little).

Secrets, he's holding a secret and I don't know what it is. But I have this nagging feeling like I just don't know everything about him. And if there's something I've learned in this journey called life is pay attention to your nagging instincts, 90% of the time they're correct. So I just can't let my guard down yet. And until I get to the bottom of this pestering feeling, he's the chapter 2b of "I thought he was the one"