How do I see myself? I was always a relationship girl (so to speak). I love loving, I love being in love and feeling like I'm the air the person breathes and what would they do without me. I'm the perfect chick.
So I thought. You know the perfect chick with a few imperfections (but cute ones). The type of imperfections a man could fall in love with. Then I lost him, the very beat of my heart. I probably lost him somewhere along the way in the 9 years we spent with each other. Or quite possibly he was never ever mine. I left him, or he left me rather, with my persuasion of "drop your keys and get the f**k out of my house". It was my last book of that series.
Now almost 2 years and 2 children later, here I am, searching...... for another breath of air. When I think I've come close, I've failed and I've had to start another chapter titled "He is not the ONE, but he's great in bed" Or "He is definitely not the ONE, please stop calling me", or "We can just be friends, no benefits".
I've strategically learned to block myself from feeling every emotion involved in a relationship or anything it takes to build a relationship. I f**k and don't feel, take a hot shower,get back in my bed, wrap myself into the covers and dream.
I always dream.....dream of new things, new places, new people, new situations and circumstances. The dreams are what make me smile and get up each morning knowing today could be the day all my dreams come true.
I digress, so I started another chapter and he was the package, or so I thought, cute, tall, employed (can't stress that enough), cultured, intelligent and a little bit of swag to add to the picture.
We had so much in common, he's well read, well spoken, loves variety......but, there's this thing about personality, it's strong. Now I have a strong personality, and I love a strong man, I can't deal with a man that can't make decisions or he's soft (so to speak). Otherwise I'll walk all over him and lose interest quick. But him, he's intriguing, but so set in his ways, his way or the highway, well he's has to learn to bend just a bit. So that turns me off (just a little).
Secrets, he's holding a secret and I don't know what it is. But I have this nagging feeling like I just don't know everything about him. And if there's something I've learned in this journey called life is pay attention to your nagging instincts, 90% of the time they're correct. So I just can't let my guard down yet. And until I get to the bottom of this pestering feeling, he's the chapter 2b of "I thought he was the one"
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
THE MATRIX
How many of you have ever watched the "Matrix"? It's a crazy movie with wonderful graphics that at the time of inception had never been seen before in any other movie which in turn make the movie a great success. But what about the underlying theme of the movie. The fact the Neo the main character realizes the world is not what it seems. What if one day you wake up and realize everything, every belief system, everything you've ever been told is not what it seems? What if you find out everything you've ever known to be true is a lie, a complete lie? What then, what would happen then, how would you function and how would you search for the truth? Are we really all living in the "Matrix"? I'm so curious to get everyone's point of view so please respond and reply all so everyone can share. Last question, if you realize that all you've ever known is a complete hoax, would you even want to know the truth or would you rather live in ignorance until the end of days?
Some of what I believe......
I believe an inner TRUTH develops through experience. Which is something that comes about in an individual much later in life after going through a series of struggles and circumstances. But then there is the first truth we believe, during our early stages in life, we have yet to delve into our inner psyche and find a truth for ourselves, so then what? We believe what we are told. "Don't touch the stove it is hot" so we don't touch it for awhile and then one day, we say maybe what MOM is saying isn't true, we touch it and boom it's hot. Or rather, "there are no more cookies in the cookie jar" so what do you do, you search in the cookie jar, and you get a different realization depending on what's in that jar. Maybe there are cookies, or maybe you made a mistake and found the flour jar instead. Which brings me to the next thought process, we receive messages and images constantly from those who are above us in some sort of way, the media, the politicians,our spiritual leaders, etc. So from those messages how can we decipher what they show us or say to us is the "TRUTH". Honestly, we can't, until like a child would do, we search for ourselves and see what the "TRUTH" actually is. For me I would say it would be an never-ending research project. And I guess your "new" knowledge is in fact to you the TRUTH if it is what you decide to believe. But last questions: If that is the case, is there really one central truth?
The variable between faith and truth.......
Clearly faith in God and man are entirely two different parallels. Faith is believing that something is so when there hasn't been / there isn't any evidence. Believing in the unseen. Truth is the proof.Here's my synopsis "truth" has many variables. People weigh in on truth as being reality. Or truth can be fact. For many people truth is not an absolute. When in fact that's exactly what it should be. Like an equation. Its absolute ie. 2+2 =4. That's true, its fact, and no matter how long or far you trace it back. That equation is absolute. Belief or Faith is more like a variable ie. 2x = xy. That's not constant because every will have their own reality or belief that x or y can equal just about anything based on your experience. Truth should be absolute, but it is not, it is based on a series of variables, according to an individual, a society, a religion, or a government. For many people their faith or belief out weighs the truth. Even if the truth (proof) is right there as clear as day. And for many they will make a belief the truth (or their form of the truth) for other reasons, ie. a control of ppl or nations. Because one a person believes that their beliefs or faiths are somehow truths then they will never search & look any further.
Some of what I believe......
I believe an inner TRUTH develops through experience. Which is something that comes about in an individual much later in life after going through a series of struggles and circumstances. But then there is the first truth we believe, during our early stages in life, we have yet to delve into our inner psyche and find a truth for ourselves, so then what? We believe what we are told. "Don't touch the stove it is hot" so we don't touch it for awhile and then one day, we say maybe what MOM is saying isn't true, we touch it and boom it's hot. Or rather, "there are no more cookies in the cookie jar" so what do you do, you search in the cookie jar, and you get a different realization depending on what's in that jar. Maybe there are cookies, or maybe you made a mistake and found the flour jar instead. Which brings me to the next thought process, we receive messages and images constantly from those who are above us in some sort of way, the media, the politicians,our spiritual leaders, etc. So from those messages how can we decipher what they show us or say to us is the "TRUTH". Honestly, we can't, until like a child would do, we search for ourselves and see what the "TRUTH" actually is. For me I would say it would be an never-ending research project. And I guess your "new" knowledge is in fact to you the TRUTH if it is what you decide to believe. But last questions: If that is the case, is there really one central truth?
The variable between faith and truth.......
Clearly faith in God and man are entirely two different parallels. Faith is believing that something is so when there hasn't been / there isn't any evidence. Believing in the unseen. Truth is the proof.Here's my synopsis "truth" has many variables. People weigh in on truth as being reality. Or truth can be fact. For many people truth is not an absolute. When in fact that's exactly what it should be. Like an equation. Its absolute ie. 2+2 =4. That's true, its fact, and no matter how long or far you trace it back. That equation is absolute. Belief or Faith is more like a variable ie. 2x = xy. That's not constant because every will have their own reality or belief that x or y can equal just about anything based on your experience. Truth should be absolute, but it is not, it is based on a series of variables, according to an individual, a society, a religion, or a government. For many people their faith or belief out weighs the truth. Even if the truth (proof) is right there as clear as day. And for many they will make a belief the truth (or their form of the truth) for other reasons, ie. a control of ppl or nations. Because one a person believes that their beliefs or faiths are somehow truths then they will never search & look any further.
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